keep your feet on the ground

It's been really hard to come back and find my place, my nitch again. I can recall thinking that my trip to Australia came at a really good time for me, and it did. It served as a good escape. I hate thinking of it as an escape. Someone expressed their thoughts to me about going to Australia as a time for me to get away, do what I want to do, and no one would ever have to know about it. Well that was all wrong, and it's not what I wanted my trip to be about. I wanted to view it as part of my life, as simple and true as that statement it, it plays so many roles in my head. Austarlia wasn't supposed to be a getaway, a time to rebel, a time to "find myself"...I already knew who I was. It was simply what I was doing with my life at that time, maybe a milestone of sorts, maybe not. But regardless, I'm back here and sometimes I can't help to feel that I'm back from my "escape". I was thrilled to be back because I wanted to fall back into that comfortable nitch that I loved being part of at Purdue. As this week went by, I realized that nitch is going to be harder to get back.

There have been certain events in the past couple of weeks that have tested my faith. I feel that it would be so easy right now to throw my arms up in the air and walk on, alone. I'm fully aware of the consequences that would carry, and how weak of a statement that is, but regardless of what that statement means or entails, it still holds true.

I'm digging to find something. And there is a fear of being smothered.